Middle of Night

Have you ever thought that you wasted your time to like someone ?

I might wasted my time to had crush with a man whom I looked up to

he is diligent, cool, good person, a jock, smart, interesting, cute, but he so ignorant.

yes he is kinda ignorant with me but when I need something related to education he was willing to explained and helped me a lot.

Now I had no feelings for him anymore he is happy with his choice.

I have been through a tough life because broken-hearted, I did a lot of things for him but he never notice it. I had crush on him almost for 2,5 years and unfortunately he never notice it. 

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MY FIRST TIME

I saw him for a first time in a special occasion, I saw him but I didn't hear his name clearly so I asked my friend then I knew his name. then I saw him again infront of the office, his smile so cute and made my entire day keep curios about him. I spent every little time we spent together for that special occasion to figure out what kind of person he is. I told all this with my closest friend then magical things happened !!!!. I paired with him so from that time I could getting to know him much better directly. I was so happy to heard all the things that I asked with him, he didn't talk a lot if I didn't ask him. Then I had a chance to took photo together with him and the good thing he was the one whom asked first not me hahahhahahhaha. I was so happy that time even I knew he had a girlfriend but I didn't care since I just like him as fan not more (I guess he will never like me since I am not his type).

ANOTHER TIME

I always be the one whom text him first to asked for help or explanation of something, but there was one time he texted me first with a silly thing. he asked me about the full name of lab method which is I know he could google it because that much better than ask to me. Oke i answered using google too actually hahahah (thank you google). I prayed the best for him all the time (birthday and other thing) also he prayed the best for me. he willing to make appointment with me for a shortime just to gave me his book (twice or three time). I kept stick my eyes to him. I didn't care anything from my other boy friend (regular friend but boy) even he already said to me "why you should search someone far from you and  you never notice someone near you" (almost like that in English) my friend said to me in personal message also on the phone but i didn't care at all in that time. then my friend left me without said something and explain why so i started wonder maybe he mad at me because i didn't notice his presence (NOW I DISSAPOINTED WITH MY SELF WHY I DIDN'T NOTICE HIM BUT I TRIED TO FORGET THAT IF WE ARE MEANT TO BE SO WE WILL BE MEANT TO BE NO MATTER WHAT).

WORST TIME

i bought special gift for celebrate his new path of life also i prepared my self to took a photo when he passed a new phase of life but suddenly i saw him with another girl so cute and so gente and so so so success to made me envy and broken-heart so deep. i ran away to searched some fresh air and my friend chased me and tried to cheer me up. he wrapped my day become the worst day in 2016, i didn't eat anything for almost a week (my friend always asked my condition but i kept saying that i was alright so i was lying all that time) and i didn't focus with my work, i kept crying all night remember how i was happy before this happened, i blamed my friend not told me the truth, i blamed my self to dream a big hope with him and anything else. i chose to never contact him anymore until today and forever and ever. he is happy with his new special person, so i should happy for him too and find someone else whom will like me for me.

Malam ini tiba-tiba dia muncul di ingatan saya saat dia rela hujan-hujanan demi saya dan saat kami menghabiskan waktu bersama. Sudah hampir 1 tahun saya tidak bertemu dan melupakannya namun kenangan itu masih datang silih berganti walapun ini hanya bertepuk sebelah tangan. Awalnya saya menyalahkan sifatnya karena terlalu jahat untuk tidak menyadari hal itu namun ini semua salahku untuk memiliki harapan yang besar bersamanya. Dia orang yang baik dan lelaki ideal yang saya inginkan karena walapun dia sangat cuek tapi sebenarnya dia sangat baik dan perhatian. Sayangnya perhatian itu bukan untuk saya. Malam ini saya berharap untuk tidak pernah mengingatknya lagi walaupun bertemu dan mengenalnya sudah mengajarkanku berbagai hal. Salah satu hal yang selalu mengingatkanku tentangnya betapa dia mencintai alam terutama gunung, teruslah menggapai puncak tertinggimu dan saya harap kamu mampu menjadi imam yang baik untuk pendampingmu kelak.

Terimakasih telah mengisi relung hati ini selama 2.5 tahun lamanya walaupun disela-sela waktu tersebut aku bertemu dengan teman-teman lain yang mungkin bisa menggantikanmu namun sayangnya belum mampu tapi saat ini aku harus mampu mencari pengganti sosok sepertimu.

Hidup terus berjalan dan langkah ku tidak akan berhenti untuk berusaha melupakanmu.